Hitting the Pause Button... A Little Too Often - The Emotional Rollercoaster of Procrastination
It’s been 8 months since I wrote my last newsletter after just 3 weeks of starting it. The drive I felt when I decided I would start writing on the internet had a strength of its own and I remember feeling happy and satisfied with the decision. I envisioned myself consistently creating content, feeling happy and fulfilled. I even promised myself this wouldn't be a fleeting endeavour.
Fast forward to today, and here I am, contemplating a "restart" of that very newsletter. Three weeks in, I convinced myself I lacked enough ideas. Ironically, I hadn't even built an audience yet. There was complete flexibility to treat this as a personal diary, yet I couldn't even commit to that weekly format for myself.
Life, of course, threw various curveballs my way. Priorities shifted, and I told myself taking a break was justified. However, a nagging guilt lingered. While those aspects of life were undeniably important, I knew I wasn't fully utilizing the 14 hours I was awake and not at the gym. Funny enough, I wasn’t even dedicating the 2 hours I had planned for the gym to actually being at the gym. I spent that time resetting my calendar and planning a “new life” that I would start “tomorrow.”
Breaking the Cycle of Self-Criticism
Rather than feeling bad about myself—a past practice that I realized had no benefits and never really helped—I decided to take a new approach. I delved into research and conversations, searching for someone who was in the same boat. To my surprise, it was hard to find anyone who wasn’t!
This feeling of being alone in procrastination is a common illusion. Extensive research has been conducted on this very topic, with many experts dedicated to understanding why we put off important tasks. Apparently, it's not a new problem either! Even the ancient Greek poet Hesiod, way back in 800 B.C., cautioned not to “put your work off till tomorrow and the day after.” Mankind has grappled with this for centuries.
The more I read, the more I resonated with the findings. Finally, things started to make sense. When you identify the root cause of a problem, you can start formulating solutions and improving your situation, rather than wallowing in confusion.
Some might think procrastination is simply a matter of time management, but research suggests otherwise. Studies have shown that chronic procrastinators experience higher stress and lower well-being. They also carry a heavier emotional burden. Faced with an unfamiliar task, without a clear path to success, a chronic procrastinator would rather delay and appear lacking effort than lacking ability.
One experiment involved students who were told they'd be completing a math puzzle. Some were told it was a test of their cognitive abilities, while others were told it was meant to be fun. The chronic procrastinators only delayed practicing when the task was framed as an evaluation. Interestingly, their behavior mirrored the non-procrastinators when the task was presented as enjoyable. This suggests that procrastinators undermine their own efforts, making it a self-defeating behaviour.
Understanding Procrastination: It's Not About Laziness
For years, I considered myself lazy, unable to grasp why I couldn't simply focus and complete tasks. The truth is, I could easily finish things I knew how to do. But for tasks that carried more pressure and a desire for perfect execution, I'd find endless reasons to procrastinate, always followed by a pit of guilt. It felt like a vicious cycle with no escape. Telling myself to "just get it done" only worsened my confidence. If I couldn't follow through on personal commitments, how could I believe in myself?
As prominent psychology researcher Joseph Ferrari states, "Telling a chronic procrastinator to just do it' would be like telling a clinically depressed person to cheer up."
Studies reveal that procrastinators often experience guilt, shame, or anxiety about their decision to delay. This perfectly describes my daily experience. The lingering guilt and regret never truly left. However, I believe that understanding the root of a problem is empowering. Even the most challenging issue can be addressed once identified. In my case, learning that procrastination stemmed more from my emotional state than laziness gave me a new sense of direction.
Delayed Gratification: The Superpower of Non-Procrastinators
My research highlighted the importance of delayed gratification. People who struggle with procrastination often prioritize instant gratification, especially when faced with uncertainty about completing a task. Interestingly, the last newsletter I published focused on this very topic! Little did I know that delayed gratification is not just crucial for achieving financial freedom, but also a key characteristic of those who don't chronically procrastinate. In the context of procrastination, the need for instant gratification acts as an emotional barrier, preventing us from completing the tasks we set out to achieve.
The feeling of guilt and regret associated with procrastination is so prevalent that it even has a name: the Zeigarnik Effect. This effect suggests that people remember unfinished tasks better than completed ones. This cognitive tension from unfinished tasks can lead to persistent feelings of guilt and stress, which then lead to further avoidance rather than completion.
Finding Meaning in the Task
Psychologist Fuschia Sirois emphasizes a critical aspect of conquering procrastination: mood regulation. Sirois argues that focusing solely on instant gratification hinders our ability to learn from past behavior and prevents us from avoiding similar pitfalls. According to her, the key lies in discovering something positive or intrinsically valuable within the task itself. Sirois suggests that we need to dig a little deeper and unearth personal meaning in what we're doing. This, as her research indicates, is crucial for overcoming procrastination.
Moving Forward with Self-Compassion
Realizing this, I decided to approach myself with more kindness. Beating myself up over unachieved goals wasn't helping. Our brains, despite the vast changes in the world around us, haven't significantly evolved in thousands of years. Their primary function is still survival mode, protecting us from perceived threats, both physical and emotional. The good news is we have the capacity to take control. Acceptance, in my opinion, is the first step. It's a long and potentially uncomfortable process, but changing deeply ingrained habits, whether an addiction or a negative emotional state, is rarely easy. However, with clarity about our goals and a strong "why" behind our desire to change, we can find different ways to move forward.
In the past few months, I've come to understand that self-compassion is a crucial part of the equation for a better future.
Thanks for sticking with me this far and see you in 8 months! Just kidding, it will be a lot sooner than that 😄
Shermeen
Check out my video summarizing lessons from 500 podcasts: YouTube Video
Current Read: Feel Good Productivity by Ali Abdaal
Latest Podcast Episode: Tim Ferris Podcast - Debbie Milman
Resources: Why Wait? The Science Behind Procrastination